Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Saga continues...

So the lying has let up some, but it continues.  Words said to my face are frequently proven to be not true by my snooping.  I don't want to live like this.  I was told that our relationship was over.  I agonized over that reality and finally came to terms with it only to find out that now she doesn't want that!  Now, I am torn over what to do.  Do I stay in a relationship because it's the right thing to do or do I continue to move forward with the finality and kiss 16 years goodbye?  This blog was not supposed to be this way!  My life has become a confusing mess.  If the marriage dies now...guess who the bad guy is?  I feel like I am in a no-win situation!

Friday, March 9, 2012

BETRAYAL

I was blindsided last week by an ultimate betrayal from a person I loved more than anything in the whole world.  My spirit, soul, mind, and most of all my heart are utterly destroyed.  I guess it's true what the song says...all good things come to an end.  I am so deeply wounded that it will take a long time for me to recover.  This has TOTALLY derailed my life.  For the sake of others involved, I have to be strong.  I am just not a calloused person so it is going to take time for my heart to harden.  I will keep you posted...

BETRAYAL

I was blindsided last week by an ultimate betrayal from a person I loved more than anything in the whole world.  My spirit, soul, mind, and most of all my heart are utterly destroyed.  I guess it's true what the song says...all good things come to an end.  I am so deeply wounded that it will take a long time for me to recover.  This has TOTALLY derailed my life.  For the sake of others involved, I have to be strong.  I am just not a calloused person so it is going to take time for my heart to harden.  I will keep you posted...

Monday, February 27, 2012

Still Waiting

I am still waiting for change...why is getting out of a rut sooo difficult? I NEED motivation, but cannot find it. It's so frustrating knowing what needs to change and what needs to be done but not being able to make yourself do it. I have read a few books on this stuff lately. They are all full of good advice but none of them can make me change. What does it take? I certainly do not know. I am working on it though and hopefully will find a way. SOON...I'm desperate!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

So I have been trying to take some inspiration from something called the Optimist's Creed as of late.  I feel I need to spend time daily reading this until it is so ingrained in me that it becomes second nature

Promise Yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
It is an excellent message - Gotta do it every day and see what happens!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Ok - so...so far not that good for 2012.  I have set some goals and have not done so great on keeping up with them.  I work for myself, but have to constantly be looking for new business which I don't like.  This is an issue, as that is what puts food on the table!  I am trying to eat healthier as well but after so many years of eating crap and being abusive to my body, it is not responding well.  Every week when it gets toward the end, I start to reflect back on the week and figure out what went right and what went wrong.  I am finding it almost impossible to take time for myself.  I know I need to, but I am in such a rut of making sure everyone else is taken care of that it is a HUGE struggle!  It's like my head knows what needs to be done, but I can't make my body follow through.  The fight continues....

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

OK - so I am kind of new to the whole blogging thing but I am ready for a change in my life and this is the first step.  This year has got to be different than all the rest.  Have you ever felt like you are just floating along through life and nothing gets better or worse...just stays the same.  I have a hundred things going on, but am not passionate about anything.  Why is that??  I have spent the last several years trying to make everyone around me "happy" which is, of course, impossible.  I need to focus on myself and have taken steps in that direction.  I have even made goals!  This blog will be a project in which I will document my progress throughout 2012.